Trump orders American Airlines to replace water by Mountain Dew

If you fly American Airlines and need a glass of water, you’re out of luck! President Trump today, by Presidential Decree, ordered American Airlines to replace all drinking water on board by Mountain Dew.

The decision came reportedly after Trump watched a documentary (sponsored by Mountain Dew) about the danger of water and how the water companies “are run by democrats“.

American Airlines told us that they are happy with the decision especially since serving Mountain Dew results in a significant cost reduction compared to water. Besides that, they “are happy to bring their customers a richer experience”.

Water will stay available in the lavatory but will be made unsuitable for consumption. Taking water on board is forbidden “due to the weight and balance of the aircraft” but bottles can be checked in as luggage against a fee.